When you’re the only fat one (and it’s okay!)

In the interest of updating my site, here’s a bit about performing with one of my real life dance idols Cera Byer last winter.

After my son was born, the first class I rolled into was with Cera, who isn’t always teaching so I jumped on it basically as soon as my doctors greenlighted it. (Class is on hiatus at the moment, so I’m glad I sucked all the meat off it that I could!) She is a very body positive teacher and dancer, and though there is more body diversity in her class than in many others (ballet, I’m looking at you) I’m still the size of at least two and sometimes three of the students put together. Years ago, this would have really bothered me, but dance gives me joy and sets me free so I’m at peace. I actually go full Narcissus when I catch myself in the mirror, sometimes. (My fellow emFATs have seen me do this, too, I’m sure.)

I’m pretty experienced in classes at this point, so a lot of the time I self-modify if I can’t do the step. (A single turn instead of a double, or getting to the floor a different way, for example.) Cera allows and encourages this, but also pushes me.  I love the pushes, even though they’re scary. Just last week, after her nudging, I was able to do a strength move involving very flexed knees that I thought I COULD NOT DO last year. I feel my power and I celebrate it!

Here is rehearsal of a piece I got to perform in with her class. I’m the fattest but no less fierce than anyone else up there. Seeing it makes me proud, every time.

Plus I learned how to embed video!


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